One Foot In

Do you know where you stand?

I find myself in a season that I have been looking forward to for a long time. A time of celebrating love. A period of time when two young people will be joined together through a covenant and a bond. A time when a declaration will be made to be faithful, truthful, honest and to love and to obey each other throughout the twists and turns of life. We have finally made it to the phase where we can rejoice that our son is engaged to his lovely Jordan. We have also had the pleasure of readying for three upcoming weddings. The focus is on love, my favorite topic.

This past weekend, we were reunited with many individuals who were a large part of our young lives in college. These individuals were present in our lives when we first left home and our comfort zone. Not only that, we spent countless hours with these friends in a swimming pool. In addition to countless laps swum side by side in a pool, we shared meals and times of freeing ourselves from the constraints of utter commitment to excel, college partying. Needless to say, we have a bond for life.

While in this season of celebrating young love, I have found that I have been spinning my wheels to prepare, present, and look “beautiful, “ in worldly terms. This is suppose to be fun, and I have made it a conquest to look wedding ready. As a matter of fact, after traveling to a new city and state, I found myself at a mall. I was searching for the perfect shoe to wear to the wedding. Still distracted and separated from allowing myself to focus on the true joy and goodness and celebration of the union of these young lives and a time of reunion with old friends.

After catching up with my college roommate, last night at a social gathering, I learned that all of my focus and energy to “look the part,” find the perfect shoe, will still find me “looking different“ than my old friends. My friend revealed to me that she and another friend will be wearing black dresses, to the black tie wedding. I, on the other hand, will be wearing a bold colored dress with beautiful flowers. A dress, mind you, that I invested way too much time and energy in finding. Time taken away from what has blessed my days for the past year and a half, time in the word. Time renewing my spirit which kept me distracted from the goodness that only God can bring to me. A goodness of peace and focus on what really matters in this life and the one to come. I was without peace.

The world has an amazing way of drawing our attention away from the goodness and gifts of God; peace, hope, love and joy. After standing in comfortable shoes, for only two hours, in a time of reconnecting with old friends, I realized that my legs and feet are still plagued with the inability to endure what use to be commonplace. No matter how hard I aim to find the perfect shoe, that shoe will not fit my circumstances, and where I am in my life. Pain, discomfort, and tingling are my reality now after standing for extended periods of time. This is yet another reminder, not to get too comfortable where I stand in this world, and in which shoes.

It is through my suffering that God has allowed me to connect with Him in a way that I typically refuse to commit to Him, due to my human nature. I am no different than Eve, standing in the garden with temptation from what she sees and hears. The promise from the one of the world who promises more: more understanding, more shine, more beauty, more knowledge than the one who made her, God. She had never known anything other than life in the garden: free from worry, strife, shame. She had known true peace, love and freedom with her devoted, loving, faithful husband (minus all temptation that could break their love). The only negative is that God put one restriction on them, “do not eat the fruit from this one tree.” Human nature took over her, and him. They gave into temptation. They were seeking something more, something better.

I still find myself wanting to “fit in,” “dress the part,” wear the same color dress as my friends after almost 40 years of living separate lives. However, the dress didn’t matter, nor did it hold us back from laughing, smiling, and dancing all night. The time with old friends was a precious gift. This is yet another reminder to let go of worldly attire, and relish joy and love.

The world has a way of drawing us back to our humanness. All the more reason to keep reading God’s word, and studying, and worshipping with other believers. This is the only way to remain in a true place of peace filled with goodness from above, not of this world.

As I am able to return to my own thoughts and feel the reminder of my legs that will not endure the new shoe with a small heel that I purchased for the wedding, I am reminded of how faithful God has been to me through this journey over the past nine years. How faithful my husband, my family, and my true friends have been to me. I have not been alone, but comforted with a love that is unshaken. They have walked along side me through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Thankfully, I am still able to acknowledge the gift that has been with me all along through my suffering and what is the only thing that keeps me focused on the goodness of God, His Spirit within me.

After all the hours I spent shopping for the perfect shoe, and a pop of color, to wear to this beautiful event that has filled me with earthly excitement, I have been reminded that I am no longer that same person. My legs and feet will not be able to stand for hours on end, in a small heel. I will wear the flat sandals I packed with the absence of color, white. Although I will not get to wear the shoe of my choice, it is the perfect choice for me. Although I wear a different color dress, and a shoe with no heel, I will be able to endure, to sustain, and to enjoy the gift of being present to witness the joining of a true lifelong friend’s daughter. Two lives joined together in love with the promise to love and obey and serve each other. My hope is that they will not need to be prompted by a nagging reminder to serve the one who gave them the gift of true love.

As I have heard at the close of so many Sunday services throughout my life, my parting words today are to, “Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.” And the people say, “ Praise be to God.”

“Yet you know me, Lord; you see me and test my thoughts about you. Drag them off like sheep to be butchered! Set them apart for the day of slaughter!“ -Jeremiah 12:3